What If?
by Glorfirien
Summary: I really can’t see a way outta this...Even if I am Jack’s apprentice. [A series of oneshots inspired by the Why Me? seriesThis will be a collection of all the [oneshot] bunnies that don't fit into the actual series. Mostly Humor.]


**What If?**

_Transient Freedom_

Glorfirien

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Summary: "I really can't see a way outta this...Even if I am Jack's apprentice." A series of one-shots inspired by the _Why Me? _series. This will be a collection of all the (one-shot) bunnies that don't fit into the actual series. Mostly Humor.

Disclaimer: (Which is the wonderful work of another author. It seems to be as official as one can get so thanks to that person who helps us newbies sound all official-like) The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

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Note: An alternate version of _Why Me?'_s Chapter 6. So READ _Why Me? _FIRST!

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This is embarrassing.

Not to mention really and truly pathetic.

I escape from one of, if not the, most guarded government facilities on Earth without a single complication only to be abducted by a Rent-a-Cop.

Damned bastard knocked me out.

And I wake up on a crappy mattress in a dark room.

It's probably in a basement.

Or a compound situated in a desolate forest.

How cliché.

I am, of course, terrified beyond human comprehension.

Girl wakes up after being kidnapped by some old white guy.

Well, shit.

That's a crappy use and not to mention, total waste, of my virginity.

Hey Sara? Could I get a little help here?

…

Sara?

…

SARA!

…

Dammit Sara! Save the virgin!

_Are you starting an organization? For endangered species?_

Ha freaking ha.

_What do you want? I was busy._

Busy? What the hell can a divinely appointed imaginary voice do?

_I'd tell you but it's in my job description to refrain from corrupting you. _

You? Corrupt me? I think you signed the wrong contract, maybe I was supposed to agree to that one. Either that or I got appointed the wrong Guardian Annoyance.

_I do more than baby-sit you. I have a life thank you very much not to mention a higher purpose._

Uh-huh. Sure you do.

_Why do I bother?_

You're a closet masochist?

…

Okay. Sorry. Uncalled for but my nerves are shot. Can't you give me something? A way to escape? I really don't want to be raped in the near future. Geez I leave the secret government facility only to be caught by a degenerate old rapist. Just my luck.

_Well. There's some good news and some bad news._

Gimme the good news first. I need it. Any more badness and I'll descend into a pit of depression.

_The man who kidnapped you did not do so on a whim. And no one is currently planning to use you as an outlet for their carnal desires._

…I can't believe you actually said that. So, that's good. My virtue isn't going to be compromised. So what's the bad news?

"Good evening," a suave and somehow insidious voice reached my hearing. I turned to see someone in the doorway, berating myself for not noticing that the door had opened. The guy was tall with dark hair and eyes and an attractive tan. He looked Greek and rich. His suit was obviously expensive and his posture screamed power.

_He is._

Crap.

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"And you are?" I questioned with as much calm as I could muster with my blood rushing loudly through my ears and my heart pounding loudly at my throat.

"Someone who is very interested in you," he replied smoothly.

Very old world charm.

What am I?

A ditz?

Please, as if I don't watch the clichéd T.V shows and movies.

"I believe that could almost be considered pedophilia," I countered.

He frowned.

"Not to mention that this is abduction. I could probably add in a rape or intended homicide charge too. If I try." I allowed the very real fear I was feeling to float in my eyes, "Oh I was so frightened. Some man abducted me and (sniff) oh god I was so scared. I woke up and (sob) some man entered and said he wanted…"

I stopped.

"I'm sure I needn't say more."

All his charm was gone. He was stone cold.

"You are not what I expected."

I held back a snarky comment.

"In fact, your insolence reminds me of another. It seems that this mud ball engenders much audacity. I do not like it."

"Yeah. Well, I don't like you."

My mind was racing as my mouth supplied quick remarks.

Mud ball.

He's not from Earth!

…

That means…

Goa'uld!

Crap.

But whatever few are left are supposed to be pathetically trying to survive and keep some semblance of power not on Earth kidnapping innocent (yes, I am innocent) people.

"Charming," he sneered with disdain.

"Oh, nice one. Now get some sweeping black robes and you're set! I'll call and see if they need a stand in for Alan Rickman," I commented snidely. "So what is it that you want from me? Besides my witty repartee that is?" (1)

"I want your subservience and total obedience."

Definitely a snake. Was this guy serious?

"Even my parents didn't have my obedience much less my subservience. Like hell am I submitting or even catering to your impotent will. I'm a teenager. I'm a smart-ass, stubborn, independent and temperamental bitch who will be contradictory just because I want to piss the shit out of you."

He gave no reaction.

"You grow tiresome."

"You grow stupid," I mocked before continuing, "How about you tell me just why you've abducted an innocent American citizen. I'm just a college student! What kind of importance could I possibly have to a pompous and arrogant asshole such as yourself?"

"Just a student? Do not insult my intelligence. I know who or should I say _what_ you are," he sneered.

"Annoyed? Yup. I am very irritated. Which is different because I'm usually the irritant not the irritated."

Just what the…I mean it's not like he could actually know just where I came from. Could he?

Ah crap.

"I have full proof ways of extracting information. Procedures that you would not enjoy. Make this pleasant for yourself and cooperate. I will give you some time to think it over."

And he left.

Sara? Who the hell was that?

I had an inkling. One that I hoped was wrong.

_Ba'al_.

Oh God.

I feel like throwing up.

He's going to torture me.

He tortured and broke Jack O'Neill. The man was Spec Ops, he was trained to withstand torture and he still shattered like glass. Granted the man lasted for an impressive amount of time but what does that say for me?

What kind of chance do I have?

None at all.

Oh man.

I'm going to crack.

I don't want to be tortured.

I definitely don't want to give any info to that bastard but…

I'm weak.

I whimper at being poked and having a hangnail!

Crapcrapcrapcrap.

Oookay. Deep calming breaths. Find your happy place.

Om.

…

This is not working.

…

Sara?

I had not found my happy place. Hell, I hadn't even found my mildly pleased place. I definitely couldn't keep the terror that was clawing inside of me at bay.

Time for a tactical retreat. I must advance in a different direction.

Okay, so I'm going to run away as if my life depended on it.

Which it does.

Sara, I want to go home.

Please.

…

Sara? I'm scared. Please. I wanna go home. Take me home. Please?

_I…I'm sorry. I can't._

You can't! You're divinely appointed! With God all things are possible! So why can't you?

_It's complicated._

Well uncomplicated it!

_This is the other side's ploy. It will be worse next time if you're taken from this one. I probably won't be able to help you next time either._

Hello, good guy here! Shouldn't I be getting some help!

_He's counting on you. There are going to be some tests along the way. You know this._

So He's offering me up to the wolves to prove that I'm on the level? Wonderful.

…

I won't squeal. Though…hmmm…Sorry but I won't be a martyr either.

_I don't like the tone in your mental voice. You're up to something._

Aren't I always?

_Yes. That's what scares me._

Don't worry.

_You're not helping._

Trust me.

_I suppose that I must._

I am overwhelmed by your tremendous faith.

_Just…don't get yourself killed._

Sara…if…if I'm tortured…if I die…make sure my family knows…

_They know_.

Just…please.

_I will._

Thank you.

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He strode in arrogantly as if the world and its inhabitants were his. As if he were some sort of God. I suppose that in his twisted view of reality he was.

"Have you considered my proposal?"

He makes it sound so dirty.

"I have."

"Your answer?"

Oooo dark and foreboding. I'm soooo scared.

Really, I am.

I know it sounds sarcastic but I'm terrified.

"I do not know what you think I know but I am not stupid. I know it's in mine own interest to cooperate."

"So you do have some intelligence."

Patronizing asshole.

He smirked.

"Now, bow before your God."

Uh-oh.

He did the flashy eye thingy.

Not good.

Plus, you know the whole "You shall have no other God before me."

"I agreed to cooperate with you not worship you."

See, I even said it politely.

"You will show me your allegiance." (2)

"My only allegiance is to myself. I aid you because it is in my best interest. It keeps me alive."

"You claim that you will cooperate and yet you do not do as I say. If you cannot fulfill even the simplest of commands then it only proves that you do not fear me. Without fear then there is the possibility that you will betray me."

Okay, I have to do this. Let's hope it's different enough.

"I will be honest. There is no possibility. It is a certainty. You will have to guard me at every moment because if I find a chance, if I see an opportunity to escape then I will take it. That said, as long as I am your prisoner I will cooperate. You want whatever I know? You can have it."

He fixed the entirety of his focus on me.

Not comfortable.

There was a serpentine cunning that he could not disguise. A slippery and oozing darkness that seemed to seep from his very being.

Shudder and shiver in sympathy.

"You are irritating," he stated as if it wasn't obvious.

I hate it when people state the obvious.

Only I can do that.

"Yet despite that, or perhaps because of it, I find you to be a…_fascinating_ provocation," he purred.

Oh. Ewww! I'm not the most experienced of people but I know language, spoken and unspoken, and that was **flirting**! That was definitely language of the seducing kind!

YUCK!

I feel so dirty.

How the hell does one discourage an ancient evil parasite without said nefarious antediluvian snake taking offense and offing said unfortunate in the process?

You can't.

You play stupid.

Fortunately, I can do stupid at will.

"Uh-huh. I'm sure everyone I've ever known would agree with you. Daniel especially, he hated my guts. And here I thought he was the nice one. Talk about misinformation."

"Sooo umm what kind of perks do I get? House? Money? Servant at my beck and call?" I questioned sweetly.

"Don't be impertinent. You will comfort yourself with the knowledge that I have spared your life."

"Ah. This is that kind of relationship." I nod wisely as if I am versed in all things.

"Explain."

"The one where I'm your prisoner through threats and violence and only useful to you for my knowledge because I cannot be trusted."

"And how many times have you entered into such an affair?"

I pretend to think and look at my fingers as if counting them and then shrug, "First time for everything."

"You will stay here until you can be transferred to one of my more mundane properties."

"So, you're not going to try and taunt the SGC with my capture? I really don't want to go back."

"Why is it that you dislike them?" he questioned.

"They were annoying and mean. They asked stupid questions and accused me of things I didn't do. They put me in danger and didn't keep their word. And they fed me food that I wouldn't give to a starving dog! Of course I wanted to get away from there! I was not going to be their prisoner!"

Please believe me. Pleasepleaseplease.

Oh God, please let him believe me.

Another long look before he strode out the room.

Finally.

Geez. This is not looking good.

I really can't see a way outta this.

Nor can I see the good guys having the incentive to look for me.

Even if I am Jack's apprentice.

Someone spilled the frijoles. (3) And if I ever get outta here I'm hoping that I can get the offenders in a small room with me as their designated annoyance.

Oh what visions of cruel and unusual punishment am I dreaming of!

…

Okay, who am I kidding?

Only myself.

Who thinks I'm getting outta here? Show of hands.

Thought so.

I'm screwed.

Why me?

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End _Transient Freedom _

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This was for you Jordan-kun! You gave me this damned plot bunny awhile ago and it actually stuck around persistently. I know you wanted more humor but it actually had more serious tones. Though Cindy was as crazy as always.

Sorry kiddies, no kind of sequel for this because I don't know how to save her. So make up your own ending.

(1) If I have to explain Alan Rickman and sweeping robes…no just forget it.

(2) I actually came up with this while I was writing…funny?

I pledge allegiance to the Ba'al

Of the United Snakes in America

And to the dictatorship for which he stands

One snakehead who thinks he's a God

Very vincible, with complete domination and subjugation for all.

(3) Frijoles beans for those of you who don't speak Spanish.

Remember to review.

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Glorfirien

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